I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
