using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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