Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
