You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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