from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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