I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
