I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
