remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
