We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
