I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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