If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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