I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
