do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
