Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
