I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
