I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
