i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
