writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
