I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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