google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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