I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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