john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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