The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
