oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize