i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
