i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
