maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
