let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
