Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
