im about as happy as oj after his trial
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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