I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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