I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
