your parents love me but you hate me
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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