Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
