why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize