Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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