I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Randomize
