the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
