Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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