So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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