okay pat passed out under dana's car
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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