if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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