so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
porn star boner night. come get it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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