It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
