Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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