wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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