I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
