my vag is so smooth its legendary
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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