So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
