dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
