A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
