I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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