i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
