he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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