Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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