whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
