He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
