we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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