I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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