Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
