You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
