OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
