Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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