they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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