3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
