are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize