he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
