I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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