my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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