they need to just BURY HIM!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
