I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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