yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
