tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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