Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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