The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
