I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
