The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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