You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
