sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
