I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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