just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
