i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
tell me about the eggs
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
