i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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