I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
