it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
