i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
