so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
