Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
